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Thursday, 11/13/2003 8:16:44 PM

Thursday, November 13, 2003 8:16:44 PM

Post# of 28649
"Time Traveler" Accused Of Insider Trading





Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street trader on insider-trading charges - but he insists he's a time-traveller from the year 2256.

Andrew Carlssin, 44, hasn't convinced investigators though.

An insider says, "We don't believe this guy's story - he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar. But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck. The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail until he agrees to give up his sources."

Carlssin attracted attention to himself after making 126 high-risk trades and winning every time.

The source adds, "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance."

But when Carlssin was called in for questioning he declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

He is alleged to have said, "It was just too tempting to resist. I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus.

Yet the source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."



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